I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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