did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
