I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
