Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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