Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
