wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
