Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
