i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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