oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
