I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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