all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
