the condom got lost in my hair
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm like, not good at living.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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