Swine flu. Run for my life!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
