So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
