Me too!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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