Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
