she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
