sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
