I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
