You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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