I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
