Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
