i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
