Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
