??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
