nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
