According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
