pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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