I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
