I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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