The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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