we made out on top of his cat.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
