Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
