Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
