Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
