Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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