when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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