So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
