Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
