Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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