i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Found the puke drawer
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
