I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
