At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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