12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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