Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
