Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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