Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
