try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
