Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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