I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
